4.3.11 Conventional Wisdom

I am completely depressed. I started to take my Zoloft a week ago, but ran out.

It's very nice outside. The grass is greening up, tulips have started to pop out. The Boyne Mountain resort, as I understand it from long conversations with Javier, is as popular in the Summer as the Winter with it's great golf course and the beautiful scenery. And it certainly helps to have an indoor water park in the main lodge. We haven't seen a walker in almost three weeks, which for most of the our group is great.

For me? I'm wondering if the constant threat of the walkers is actually cathartic. As I have looked back on my journal and my old blog posts (and if anyone is reading this now, it is because someone found my computer) it is obvious that when I am busy dealing with the rigors of surviving my mental health is at it's best.

But when I am thriving, as I seem to be doing now...well mentally I just don't feel that great.

I may be overstating our situation when I say we are thriving. We could obviously stay here a long time. Food is plentiful. Our shelter is safe and comfortable. There is no current threat from walkers. It's wonderful to have my brother and sister with me. Greg, Javier and Jerry are fine companions, too.

But civilization as we knew it doesn't exist. With no means of communication I don't know if we are dealing with isolated issues in Ohio and Michigan, or in the United States, or if this is a global phenomenon. We have the essentials for living, but not the luxuries. That is if you would consider luxuries to be the Internet, television, restaurants, magazines, sports, work, money, automobiles etc. I guess we should consider ourselves fortunate, but life may be more normal than ours in other parts of the United States.

Or it could be worse...

I have found myself spending more and more time away from the group. Not thinking about anything. Johnny Dog seems to sense that I am troubled again, just like she did when I first adopted her.

My mental health is at odds with my physical health. After my experiences over the last few months I don't need a professional psychologist to tell me that I am healthiest when I have to fight for survival.

I know this doesn't match conventional wisdom as it pertains to mental health. Physical health being threatened leads to better mental health???

I wouldn't want to put our group at risk, but...

Shame on me for thinking this way.